When Healing Doesn't Happen

When Healing Doesn’t Happen
Loving God when life doesn’t make sense
By Lynn Heatley

I am close to 50 and have experienced a lot of life that doesn’t make much sense, especially when it comes to the area of suffering. Suffering rarely is something we choose, rather it seems to choose us. And usually when we least expect it.

I became a nurse when I was in my early twenties. I began my journey early of seeing individuals and families having to walk through very difficult, if not tragic, circumstances. Although my training as a nurse included aspects of showing compassion, it took a personal crisis to bring the point home.

Newly married, at the age of twenty-two, suffering visited me as cancer struck my mother in the form of a brain tumor. Six months into this horrible disease, I took time off from my job to assist her in the aspect of caregiving. Three months later, she was dead and I was thrust into the realm of suffering through great loss of a mother I dearly loved. A new awareness and compassion developed through this experience of loss. Although I had prayed desperately for God to heal my mother, the answer of healing was not what I was hoping for and God’s choice was to take her home.

Since that time, I have come to understand that healing comes in many forms. Some of those forms are actual physical healings where miracles happen and disease is wiped out. Other forms of miracles happen when God gives a supernatural peace to endure the physical challenge of the disease for long periods of time. And one of the forms is the miracle of God welcoming His beloved home. Our home in Heaven was never designed by God to be our last option but rather our intended destination. A place where God has promised us His love with no further suffering. This is the ultimate healing. And we, as people of faith, have this hope as an anchor to our soul in the midst of the storms of life that we are thrust into.

And yet, I have noticed that very few talk much about Heaven as our eternal reward. It seems to have become more of the default option when God hasn’t said yes to the miracle of physical healing on this side. And it causes me to ponder deeply about why few talk about such things. Especially with the reality that we are all destined to die one day. Even those who have experienced the miracle of the disease being removed from their bodies will eventually face death.

And God, who I picture as having quite a sense of humor, has recently thrust me back into nursing, only this time, He has placed me in the field where I now work with the terminally ill. Specifically, as a Hospice Nurse. And, once again, I find myself in the deep places of personal struggles with individuals and families that are trying to sort through all of these hard questions. And families who have been thrust into grief with the loss of their loved ones.

And I watch the incredible power of denial that comes over many as they try to shield themselves from grief that is ready to ransack their souls. And I ponder, once again, about deep places of suffering and how God wants to really help us in times of great stress and need.

And my heart begins to hurt for those who are trying so hard for a miracle on this side that they miss the wooing of God that is making huge plans for their celebrated homecoming. And I ponder about how does God “set eternity in our hearts”[1] when we spend so much time trying to hang on to the present…..when all along, God is preparing us for our future.

And then, when my deep thoughts are not enough, God speaks again and tells me that eternity is knowing Him [2]. Imagine that! God’s definition of eternity is not defined as a place but instead, as a relationship. And He invites us into this place even in this present moment. We can know God now. And fully know Him as He is known, when we step into heaven.

And I begin to realize that I am not seeing things in the way that God would desire me to see. And it causes me to pray and ask God to help me see and understand through His eyes of understanding [3]. And to trust that He will answer and show me things that are too beautiful to my natural understanding but my spirit rejoices.

And my heart is full of gratitude as I reflect upon Jesus momentarily leaving His place with the Father and giving up His life for me ….so that I could have new life and be adopted by my loving Heavenly Father where He has promised that He has prepared a place for me [4].

And I bow and say, You are Lord, and You are beautiful and worth all of my love. No matter what happens in life. You are worthy. And I trust You.

Lynn
southlandhealing@aol.com

[1]Ecclesiastes 3:11
[2] John 17:3
[3] Ephesians 1: 17-18
[4] John 14:2-3